She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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