Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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