I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
