i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
