We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize