Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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