I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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