this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
