Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
