dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize