I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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