It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize