Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
