either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
