i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
