last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he told me I talked like a deaf person
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
