Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
