It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
