My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
