So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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