Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
