I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
