is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
zippers are such a cool invention
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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