I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
