im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
