whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
