so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
