Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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