Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
