Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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