if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
