i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
