This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize