Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize