yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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