NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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