I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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