Your face is a jimmy john
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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