I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
