be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've blown a few things in my day
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
