i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
