Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
