I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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