woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
