Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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