Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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