Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Im part way to drunk.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize