awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
