Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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