remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
