If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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