you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
