How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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