pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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