dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
