all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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