I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
