I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
