ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
