My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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