I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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