I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So squirting runs in the family.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
