"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
