Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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