So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
