Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
