We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
