so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
